Who is Hannah Twinkletoes?

If you are a Hobbit then chances are that you already know Hannah Twinkletoes.  But if you are not a Hobbit then you should know her.  Allow me to introduce her to you now.

Hannah Twinkletoes was born on 16-Halimath-1379 SC.  She has four older brothers and two younger brothers.  Her father is Motred Twinkletoes, who is the mayor of a small farming community located in the Southfarthing of The Shire.  His father's father was Mothol Strongdigger, who changed his name when he married the beautiful and talented Demril Twinkletoes, although her actual name was Dotty Leftfoot.  Dotty took the stage name of Demril Twinkletoes when she began to perform her renditions of the classic Hobbit dances at the local town fairs.  Soon she was being called upon to dance at every noteworthy event throughout The Shire.  She danced on until finally breaking her big toe on her right foot at the age of 82; beyond the age when every respectiable hobbit knows better than to attempt dancing the Twingle at the age of 82.

Hannah Twinkletoes has won renown far and wide for her cooking skills.  She prides herself on being able to make almost anything and often invents dishes on the spot.  She has written two books titled: "Hobbit Manners Matter" and "Make Any Hole a Home".  She also writes an occasional column for the Arda Post on the art of entertaining, feast giving and gardening.

If you should ask Miss Twinkletoes about the incident involving the giant spider that invaded her family's campsite when she was younger, she will blush and tell you that she is still young and that she only did what anyone would do under such a circumstance.

On that fateful day, she was just exiting the cooking tent when she saw the big spider that was in the act of wrapping up one of her younger brothers into a nice portable packet. 

Hannah didn't panic, as so many others would have, instead she reacted!  She quickly turned around and re-entered the camp's cooking tent.  Grabbing a burning faggot from the one of the cooking-fires she rushed back out to confront the monster and bravely set it on fire.  Then she dragged her unconscious brother to safety and was busy cutting away the sticky silk bindings just as the rest of their family was returning from a walk in the nearby woods.  The first thing her father asked was if the coney stew was still eatable.

It was this event which alerted the countryside and the bounders were stationed to insure that no more spiders migrated into The Shire.  This particular incident was also instrumental in the landslide election of Motred Twinkletoes for mayor, for his outstanding ability to manage a crisis without panicing ("Good! Now, when do we eat?").

Although Hannah's fame for her cooking skills have travelled far and wide she remains a single hobbit.  Of course, there's no lack of eligible suiters who ceaselessly work at trying to win her hand, for nothing is more valued in The Shire than a good cook.  Rumor has it though, a certain dwarf gentleman seems to have caught her eye.  It is said that the two were seen walking hand-in-hand over near Bywater just a few days ago, but, once seen, they quickly disappeared from sight.  Hannah will neither confirm nor deny the incident, preferring to remain mysterious.

Hannah's mother, however, is deeply concerned about her daughter's prolonged spinsterhood and is even now busily writing letters to the mothers, sisters, and aunts of all the eligible bachelors in The Shire.  The result is that many young and even older hobbit men are making their way across The Shire and right up to Hannah's front gate.  Once there, they tend to set up camp while clinging to their hopes and dreams of marrying the most noteworthy of hobbit women and the best cook in the entire Shire.